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When I First Held You

When I First Held You

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  • Create Date：2023-01-22 00:51:40
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
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  • Author：Anstey Harris
  • ISBN：1662503865
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Summary

Silence tore them apart。 Can the truth bring them back together？

In 1960s Glasgow， anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love。 But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat is raided and many， including Jimmy， are sent to prison。 Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy， Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers’ home， give up their baby and learn to live with her grief。

More than half a century later， Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures， just as Judith herself has been bound back together by her late， much-missed partner， Catherine。 But her tranquillity is shattered when Jimmy—so different and yet somehow the same—reappears， yearning to unpick the painful past。

Realising they each know only half of the other’s story， Jimmy and Judith finally break the silence that tore apart what might have been their family。 Amid heartbreak and hope， how much can now be mended？

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Reviews

Anne ，

A beautifully written story with a dual time-line reaching back to the 1960s in Glasgow when Judith and Jimmy meet and fall in love and then taking the reader fifty years on as Judith works in her Mending Shop。 Judith and Jimmy were anti-nuclear protestors in the 60s。 Living a squalid squat but very much in love， their hopes and dreams were shattered when the house was raided。 Jimmy was jailed and Judith was pregnant。 Unable to contact Jimmy and with no support from her parents， Judith entered a A beautifully written story with a dual time-line reaching back to the 1960s in Glasgow when Judith and Jimmy meet and fall in love and then taking the reader fifty years on as Judith works in her Mending Shop。 Judith and Jimmy were anti-nuclear protestors in the 60s。 Living a squalid squat but very much in love， their hopes and dreams were shattered when the house was raided。 Jimmy was jailed and Judith was pregnant。 Unable to contact Jimmy and with no support from her parents， Judith entered a mother and baby home。 She left alone and never saw her child， or Jimmy again。 Judith’s had a good life。 She’s now in her 70s， a retired social worker， but desperately grieving her life-long partner Catherine。 She continues to mend things， just as Catherine wanted， but there is a hole in her life。 And then， Jimmy returns。 Out of the blue， after fifty years。 They have such a lot of explaining to do。 Jimmy discovers that he has a daughter， and when the receive a message from a young woman， their lives will be changed forever。 Harris writes with such conviction and passion， using her own experiences as a child born to an unwed mother in the 60s as inspiration。 The writing is so descriptive and flows beautifully。 Each character is carefully created， with such depth and layers。 Judith and Jimmy begin to understand each other， and look toward their future years。 It is never easy for either of them， especially Judith， the story is at times quite heart breaking， but ultimately uplifting。 A novel of lost chances， misunderstandings and new hope。 This is a dazzling read。 。。。more

Sue Ouellet-Cofsky ，

I wasn't quite sure what to expect with this story。 What I got was more。 I love that the author is writing from some true experience， some true heart。 I have a brother who was given up for adoption in the early 1960's so in many ways it hit close to home。 I may never find him （as like the author-his records were lost in a fire）。 My only hope to find him is if he or his family enter DNA in the system。 My mom passed away a few years ago so she will never have that peace of mind and even in her 70' I wasn't quite sure what to expect with this story。 What I got was more。 I love that the author is writing from some true experience， some true heart。 I have a brother who was given up for adoption in the early 1960's so in many ways it hit close to home。 I may never find him （as like the author-his records were lost in a fire）。 My only hope to find him is if he or his family enter DNA in the system。 My mom passed away a few years ago so she will never have that peace of mind and even in her 70's （as Jude is in the book）， she never forgot， never let go of the hope。 There were points that were slow but all in all， I enjoyed the story。 。。。more

Sue Hayward-Ault ，

My thanks to NetGalley and Lake Union publishing for the opportunity to review this book。 I love a book set in different decade's especially when its depicting a characters viewpoint。This book has everything love， loss， found family and historical content。I can highly recommend this book My thanks to NetGalley and Lake Union publishing for the opportunity to review this book。 I love a book set in different decade's especially when its depicting a characters viewpoint。This book has everything love， loss， found family and historical content。I can highly recommend this book 。。。more

Linda Hill ，

From the very first sentence of an Anstey Harris book the reader knows they are about to encounter something very special indeed and When I First Held You is no exception。 It’s fabulous。 It’s breath-taking。 It’s exceptional。 Anstey Harris’ writing is exquisite。 Her attention to detail， balanced by a spare and intense prose， means that reading her words is akin to shining the most powerful laser onto the tiniest atoms and making them leap alive with vitality and meaning。 I found this almost painf From the very first sentence of an Anstey Harris book the reader knows they are about to encounter something very special indeed and When I First Held You is no exception。 It’s fabulous。 It’s breath-taking。 It’s exceptional。 Anstey Harris’ writing is exquisite。 Her attention to detail， balanced by a spare and intense prose， means that reading her words is akin to shining the most powerful laser onto the tiniest atoms and making them leap alive with vitality and meaning。 I found this almost painful to experience。 This is by no means a criticism， but rather an expression of the immense effect her words have on the reader。 When I First Held You is utterly compelling and affecting because Judith’s experiences and emotions become the reader’s experiences and emotions。 This is not a book you read。 It’s one you feel with visceral certainty。 What makes When I First Held You so strong is the balance of personal and political experience。 Anstey Harris illustrates how everything we do in our personal lives is influenced by the political environment we exist in， even when we don’t realise it。 The force of Judith’s feelings about James is rooted in their past， their shared experiences and the personal and political narrative Judith has created in her life。 I thought this was a profound and truly wonderful aspect of the writing， especially when seemingly ‘outside’ events are weighed against personal narratives and the stories we make for ourselves。 Through Judith the reader is given a privileged glimpse into the very soul of human nature。 The plot is so skilfully crafted as Judith’s past is interwoven with her present。 And Judith is such a complex and layered character。 Driven by extremes of love， bitterness and rage， she embodies humanity in its raw state。 I loved meeting her。 I adored too， the maturity of her age。 When I First Held You simply couldn’t have been about a younger woman。 The narrative needs her complexities， her insecurities and her strengths。 She is the full sum of her 75 year old self。 The touchstone of Judith’s friend Barbara adds lightness and humour in an almost Shakespearean light relief that perfectly balances the sheer emotion of Judith’s feelings。 And I loved the underpinning theme also shown through the cover illustration that broken things can become repaired and more beautiful。 Judith’s past and long held beliefs become shattered and fractured and yet they simultaneously become more valuable and exquisite in a kind of literary Kintsugi。It’s hard to express how much I adored When I First Held You。 It’s powerful， raw， emotional and totally outstanding。 You’ll find it hard to read a more impactful book this year。 When I First Held You is a magnificent book written by the genius writer that is Anstey Harris。 Do not miss it。 。。。more

KKEC Reads ，

When I First Held You by Anstey HarrisPublished: January 24， 2023Lake Union PublishingPages: 317Genre: Literary FictionKKECReads Rating: 5/5I received a copy of this book for free， and I leave my review voluntarily。 Anstey Harris is based in the Unesco Biosphere of Galloway and South Ayrshire in beautiful south-west Scotland， where she lives with her violinmaker husband and their dog， Pen。 A former teacher & university lecturer， as well as outstanding cook， Anstey runs the popular writing retrea When I First Held You by Anstey HarrisPublished: January 24， 2023Lake Union PublishingPages: 317Genre: Literary FictionKKECReads Rating: 5/5I received a copy of this book for free， and I leave my review voluntarily。 Anstey Harris is based in the Unesco Biosphere of Galloway and South Ayrshire in beautiful south-west Scotland， where she lives with her violinmaker husband and their dog， Pen。 A former teacher & university lecturer， as well as outstanding cook， Anstey runs the popular writing retreat， WriteSouthWestScotland。com。 Anstey writes about the things that make people tick， the things that bind us， and the things that can rip us apart。 In novels， Anstey tries to celebrate uplifting ideas and prove that life is good and that happiness is available to everyone once we work out where to look （usually inside ourselves）。 Her short stories tend not to end quite so well。。。“Sometimes， the irony of life is ludicrous。”Judith is trying to decide what she should do。 Should she follow her heart and let someone else run her late partner's beloved shop， or should she stick it out？ When the last person she ever expected shows up and flips her world upside down， everything changes。 The past comes crashing into the future， blending with the present。 This was beautiful。 The writing， the story， the characters， the heartbreak- all of it。 I wasn’t sure what to expect in this novel， but my heart needed this。 The characters in this book are beautiful。 I loved how the story was told， how things unfolded， and how the plot moved between the past and the present。 The character narration was vivid， emotional， and honest。Reading the acknowledgments at the end and how close this story is to Anstey Harris’ life only made me appreciate the morals of this brilliant book。 。。。more

Karen ，

This is the first book I received through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review！This felt like two books to me。。。maybe even 3。 Story 1 follows Judith who is a young woman living in Glasgow in the 1960s。 Like so many teenagers， she finds herself fighting against the world of her parents and the larger world in which she is growing up， specifically around the issue of nuclear weapons。 She decides to leave and set out on her own winding up in a hovel inhabited by a group of other young folks w This is the first book I received through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review！This felt like two books to me。。。maybe even 3。 Story 1 follows Judith who is a young woman living in Glasgow in the 1960s。 Like so many teenagers， she finds herself fighting against the world of her parents and the larger world in which she is growing up， specifically around the issue of nuclear weapons。 She decides to leave and set out on her own winding up in a hovel inhabited by a group of other young folks who want to change the world and do a few things about it。The story is told from Judith's perspective once she is much older and it is revealed that something significant happened and Judith was forced to split from her friends and the cause。 In story 2， another perspective is added。。。that of Ruby， a teenager at the time Judith is older who is looking for her mother's birth family through sites like ancestry。 It is quickly revealed that Judith had to leave because she had fallen pregnant， another member of her group was the father and she's spent years grieving the abandonment of this man and the loss of her child who she was forced to give up for adoption。 The unwed mother/adoption/finding your family felt like the largest chunk of the book。 The main story。 I thought it was done well。The third story， which fit in more with the second， was the story of the lives of Judith and James between the time they split and their reunion。 Obviously that background is inherently a part of long-lost adoption stories so it fit more than the first bit。In the author's note at the end， we are given insight into the fact that the author's mother was born in an unwed mother's home and was tied in some way to the nuclear stuff from story one。 However， I felt like that detail could have been left out。 It felt disjointed and made the book extremely hard for me to get into initially。 I enjoyed how it ended up playing out but， if I didn't get it from NetGalley I may have given up because I just didn't get invested in the story until about half way through。 。。。more

Sue ，

In the years since the death of her much missed partner， famous artist Catherine Rolf， retired social worker Judith has valiantly carried on running Catherine's beloved Mending Shop， which restores broken treasures in much the same way as she repaired Judith's broken heart more than fifty years ago。 Lately， however， she has been wondering whether keeping the shop going herself is really what Catherine wanted for her。 Maybe the time has come for her to step aside and follow a new path？Then， follo In the years since the death of her much missed partner， famous artist Catherine Rolf， retired social worker Judith has valiantly carried on running Catherine's beloved Mending Shop， which restores broken treasures in much the same way as she repaired Judith's broken heart more than fifty years ago。 Lately， however， she has been wondering whether keeping the shop going herself is really what Catherine wanted for her。 Maybe the time has come for her to step aside and follow a new path？Then， following news coverage about the work of the Mending Shop， Judith's fragile progress is shattered by the appearance of someone from the dark days of her past - Jimmy McConnell。 The man she last saw in 1960s Glasgow， when he was dragged away from the squat where she and other anti-nuclear protesters lived， to be sent to prison。 The man who left her pregnant with no option but to enter a mother and baby home and give up her much wanted daughter for adoption。 The man who betrayed her。Jimmy's shock return sends Judith reeling。 He wants the chance to explain what happened all those years ago， but they are strangers who barely know each other， and Judith is unwilling to stir up all the painful memories associated with that episode of her life。 Can they find a way to mend the heartbreak that tore them apart？ Should they even try？Inspired by Anstey Harris' own family history， When I First Held you delves into the shocking history of forced adoptions throughout the 1950s to 1970s， when unmarried mothers were made to give up their babies to preserve the fallacy of 'family values'。It is really difficult to talk too much about this one without giving spoilers， as the story covers a lot of ground emotionally， ideologically， historically， and geographically， which is darned impressive。 It moves back and forth between Judith and Jimmy's relationship in the 1960s and the resulting sad tale of Judith's pregnancy; and the present from when Jimmy unexpectedly walks back into Judith's life。 Judith is the central narrator， and the force of her inner turmoil cuts you to the quick as she takes you through her heartrending experiences， both firsthand in the past， and when she revisits them upon Jimmy's arrival。 As the story progresses beyond Judith and Jimmy's painful reunion， another character adds their voice to the story。。。 but I leave you to discover who this is for yourselves。This is my first book from Anstey Harris， and I have been bowled over by her beautiful writing。 Judith's voice drew me in from the very beginning， and the impact of her sense of loss is heart-breaking to bear witness to。 She is beginning to find a way forward until Jimmy intrudes into her life， but his arrival brings up all the things she thought she had recovered from through her happiness with Catherine， opening raw wounds once again。However， it is not so easy to paint Jimmy as the villain of the piece as you might think。 When he and Judith come to tell both sides of their sad history， we begin to understand every facet of their tragic love story。 The truth on both sides unfurls with perfect timing， slowly changing you perspective on their relationship and the factors that came into play to keep them apart。 I shed many tears as they gradually worked through the mountain of pain that lay between them， and found a way to forgive each other and themselves。 I especially loved the way Harris separates the idea of the people they were in the past when they parted， and who they have become when they are reunited。Harris keeps nothing back about the impossible position unmarried mothers found themselves in if they became pregnant and had no husband， or family， to support them。 There are many difficult scenes to negotiate in this part of the story that will break your heart in two。 Interestingly， in the telling， she touches on the difficulties of obtaining reliable contraception， and the harsh facts of the wider adoption process too。 The thread around nuclear protests of the 1960s is absolutely fascinating as well。For all the pain in this book， with its exploration of the agony of different aspects of loss， it is balanced by love， understanding， and reconciliation in abundance。 Judith's journey is an all consuming one， and Harris tells it with accomplished skill。 My favourite theme is the way Harris uses unity - especially at the end of the book。 I sobbed！This is an incredible book， guaranteed to be on my best of 2023 pile。 I will be buying Harris' back catalogue without further ado - her writing is wonderful。 。。。more

travelsalongmybookshelf ，

Judith and Jimmy were everything to each other once， living in squat in Glasgow。 Then there is a raid， Jimmy is sent to prison; pregnant and with no word from Jimmy， Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers home。 She has to give up the baby and then live with her grief。Years later， grieving for her partner Catherine， Jimmy walks back into her life。 He is the same， yet different and wants to be able to unlock the past。Slowly they learn each other half of the story， learn to mend themselves Judith and Jimmy were everything to each other once， living in squat in Glasgow。 Then there is a raid， Jimmy is sent to prison; pregnant and with no word from Jimmy， Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers home。 She has to give up the baby and then live with her grief。Years later， grieving for her partner Catherine， Jimmy walks back into her life。 He is the same， yet different and wants to be able to unlock the past。Slowly they learn each other half of the story， learn to mend themselves and what could have been their family。Just wow！ This book is one that I will remember and keep in my memory。 The words， Judith and Jimmy， their story， it’s a keeper and deserves to be read by everyone！I fell in love with this book in just the first few pages。 I could feel so many emotions lifting from the page as I read and I felt connected to Judith from the start。 It is written in beautifully compelling and lyrical prose。 Judith is clearly a kind loving and generous person， grieving for her partner Catherine， her work entwined with her memories。‘Each time an item is mended in our shop…。it will accrue value， it’ll gain a story…the person who has brought it in will tell us about it…why it needs to be mended…each object will grow， will become so much more than the negative space it would have served in landfill。’It is a gentle read， it has a lot of emotion and really hard and heartbreaking themes within it， but I really loved how it was written。 The characters of Judith and Jimmy are really spellbinding， Judith’s experience is heartwrenching and I could feel as she felt， I cried as she cried。 Then the bombshells come and reframed my perceptions， it made me sad and then it made me joyous。‘The painting is the truth- I have nothing to hide。 I did nothing wrong。Just Judith。 Sleeping。’This is also the telling of a story about unmarried mothers homes。 What happened to the women and happened to the babies is powerful and needs to be told， it sent me down a rabbit hole， to learn and to educate myself。 It is a shame that should not be hidden， it is our countries history， an abuse that was carried out and should not be forgotten。‘They were different times。’‘If I had a pound for every time someone’s said that to me in the last month， I wouldn’t have a student fucking loan。’And yet， it is such a beautiful， hopeful read with grief， passion， smiles and love， I really hope this does well as it deserves to。‘You spoke to me， to the core of me。 I knew there was a version of you right inside me， at my very heart we were the same。’This was the first book I read this year， and could actually be my book of the year！ Brilliant。✩✩✩✩✩ 。。。more

Marianne ，

“You can’t change the past， Ruby， no one can。 But the purpose of being alive is to curate the future。 It’s our responsibility。”When I First Held You is the third novel by award-winning British author， Anstey Harris。 Four years widowed， Judith Franklin is still grieving the loss of her partner of almost fifty years， artist Catherine Rolf。 In her memory， and funded by the sale of her phenomenal work， Judy runs a little shop where volunteers repair， restore and repurpose items brought in by custome “You can’t change the past， Ruby， no one can。 But the purpose of being alive is to curate the future。 It’s our responsibility。”When I First Held You is the third novel by award-winning British author， Anstey Harris。 Four years widowed， Judith Franklin is still grieving the loss of her partner of almost fifty years， artist Catherine Rolf。 In her memory， and funded by the sale of her phenomenal work， Judy runs a little shop where volunteers repair， restore and repurpose items brought in by customers; no money changes hands。 It’s a local interest TV spot featuring The Mending Shop that brings Jimmy （now James） McConnell back into her life。 He’s the very last person she wants to see: fifty-six years earlier， he left her holding the baby， literally。 Having finally tracked her down， he wants to catch up， and is totally unprepared for her anger， and utterly confused by her furious accusations。 Back in the mid-sixties， Jude and Jimmy were part of a protest group trying to stop Polaris missiles coming to Faslane。 Their group shared a squat in Glasgow and， in the lead-up to their biggest campaign， Jimmy was arrested and put in prison for six months。 Pregnant， Jude went home to her Catholic parents whose shame and disgust saw her sent to a Liverpool unmarried mothers’ home to give birth to a daughter， then adopted out。 Ruby Cooper-Li is a twenty-two-year-old Master’s student at London University when she gets a hit from the genealogy website to which she sent her DNA。 The match is likely a grandparent， her mother’s father， and she knows her mother would likely have disapproved， so she goes to her father for advice on how to handle the contact she wants to make。James is excited and enthusiastic at the prospect of meeting a granddaughter of whom he was unaware but， after forty years as a social worker， Judith is well aware that most adoption reunions aren’t happy-ever-afters。 And digging up the past？ Although it’s true that “people are who they are。 And sometimes the narrative we tell ourselves， or the picture we paint， doesn’t match with reality。 It’s no one’s fault”， there are secrets， lies， betrayals: how can this end well？ In what is her best novel yet， Harris draws on her personal experience to tell this story， the sort of story that happened thousands of times in the 1960s， into which， without doubt， she has poured her heart and soul。 Her characters are real， flawed human beings with whom it is impossible not to empathise。 And while there are moments that will move readers to tears， there are also joyful， uplifting ones。 Utterly wonderful！This unbiased review is from an uncorrected proof copy provided by NetGalley and Amazon Publishing UK。 。。。more

Theresa Smith ，

The latest novel from Anstey Harris is a deeply personal one， so it’s better if I start this review with a quote from the very end of the novel， from the author note， for context:‘I wrote Judith and Penny’s story to give me – and the half a million like me – a voice， and to remind those of you who have not been through this that it is an inhumanity we must never return to。’When I First Held You is a story about the forced adoptions that were prolific throughout the 1960s and 1970s。 I have previo The latest novel from Anstey Harris is a deeply personal one， so it’s better if I start this review with a quote from the very end of the novel， from the author note， for context:‘I wrote Judith and Penny’s story to give me – and the half a million like me – a voice， and to remind those of you who have not been through this that it is an inhumanity we must never return to。’When I First Held You is a story about the forced adoptions that were prolific throughout the 1960s and 1970s。 I have previously read about this within novels set in Australia， America， and Ireland。 It was interesting to read it within a UK setting。 Interesting most of all to see the similarities – all involved parents who were acting out of shame， all involved girls being sent to homes run by the Catholic church， and all involved a total lack of regard for what the young women actually having a baby wanted， much less needed。‘I struggle to remember the difference between forgiving and forgetting， I know that you can live with one and that the other will eventually destroy you。’This story is told from the perspective of Judith， who was forced to give up her baby， and Ruby， her biological granddaughter。 These two perspectives allowed for a sensitive balance within the story。 James – aka Jimmy – has his perspective included via his interactions with both Judith and Ruby。 You see， as the story progresses， just how much of an injustice was done to both Judith and Jimmy， by their own parents， whose well-meaning intentions caused nothing but grief with far-reaching consequences。‘It’s partly that I haven’t shared this time with her – I have missed it and it can never be replayed。 But it’s more than that – it’s the secrets and the joys。 The memories of the conversations， the holidays， even the dark moments: none of which are mine。’This story is so good though because it isn’t a simple blame game。 It also outlines the social policies of the era， the lack of welfare， birth control， and independent options for young women who were pregnant and wanting to keep their babies。 While you can acknowledge that what their parents did was entirely wrong， you also can acknowledge that they were acting out of a place where they too， didn’t know what else to do。‘I am reminded of what I have always known: that it isn’t hope that moves mountains – mends hearts – it is unity。’Entirely heartfelt and not given to melodrama， When I First Held You is a beautiful story about love， family， and forgiveness。 It’s a fascinating look at a period of history that is best kept exactly where it is – in the past。 Five stars to this one from Anstey Harris， who always seems to know just how to tug on your heartstrings。 Thanks to her bravery as well for sharing， through the medium of fiction， aspects of her own personal family history。Thanks to the publisher for the review copy。 。。。more

Sarah Benjamin ，

I very much enjoyed this book which reminded me in style of the nooks of David Nicholls 。The author has a flowing prose style that made the book a relaxing east read I frequently drive past a local landmark placed to commemorate the CND camp that took place on the site in the late 70 and 80s and was surprised how little my own children know of the protests and women camps that took place in various sites around the country 。 This novel really does evoke the strong feelings that were engendered b I very much enjoyed this book which reminded me in style of the nooks of David Nicholls 。The author has a flowing prose style that made the book a relaxing east read I frequently drive past a local landmark placed to commemorate the CND camp that took place on the site in the late 70 and 80s and was surprised how little my own children know of the protests and women camps that took place in various sites around the country 。 This novel really does evoke the strong feelings that were engendered by the possibility of nuclear war and the setting was a poignant place for the story 。When you add in the injustices suffered by so many women until very recently who found themselves unable to keep their children conceived outside marriage you have a great story 。I didn't discover until after I had read the book bout the authors own experience of being born in a similar mother and baby home ， this must have made the book very difficult to write on a personal level but left us with a deeply authentic novel full of heart 。I loved the characters and enjoyed seeing them develop as the story progressed。 I loved the way that the story is told in a mixture of flash backs and flash forwards and from the point of view of 2 main characters the grandmother who had her daughter adopted and her granddaughter 。Another thing I enjoyed was the repair cafe itself 。 Throughout the book there are little character vignettes that lead you down little side paths as readers and made the book such a joy to read 。finally I can see this book making a beautiful film or tv series and suspect the rights will be snapped up I would recommend to readers who liked novels such as Us by David Nicholls The book os published in the Uk on 24th Jamuary 2023 by Lake Union Publishing I was sent a copy of this book by the books publicists FMCM associates to take part in a book tour on social media and will be publishing this review on social media and on my book blog on 20th JanuaryThank you very much to Rhiannan Morris of FMCM associates for my copy 。。。more

Marie Kane ，

Another wonderful read from Anstey Harris。Judith and Jimmy meet and fall in love in 1960s Glasgow， when they are both anti nuclear activists， living in a squat。Their perfect live story is ripped apart when the squat is raided and Jimmy is sent to prison。Pregnant， homeless， jobless and alone， Judith is forced to return home， where she is quickly moved on to a mother and baby home and her daughter is put up for adoption。50 years later， Jimmy walks into the charity mending shop Judith runs on beha Another wonderful read from Anstey Harris。Judith and Jimmy meet and fall in love in 1960s Glasgow， when they are both anti nuclear activists， living in a squat。Their perfect live story is ripped apart when the squat is raided and Jimmy is sent to prison。Pregnant， homeless， jobless and alone， Judith is forced to return home， where she is quickly moved on to a mother and baby home and her daughter is put up for adoption。50 years later， Jimmy walks into the charity mending shop Judith runs on behalf of her late partner。 The pair have a lot of catching up to do and whatever happened to their daughter？A beautiful story spanning 50 years， heartbreaking and heartwarming。 Anstey has an amazing writing talent。 I have enjoyed all her books and look forward to future reads。Don't forget！ Come back to your Review on the pub date， 24 Jan 2023， to post to these retailers。 。。。more

Chantelle Hazelden ，

So beautifully written。I was drawn in so quickly。Harris perfectly depicted the complications of families and highlighted the struggles of adoption that were faced all those years ago。The heartache and sorrow was complimented by the hope and joy throughout the story。A wonderful tale with realistic characters。

Kayleigh | Welsh Book Fairy ，

— 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 —𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: When I First Held You𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: N/A𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫（𝐬）: Anstey Harris𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Historical Fiction𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: 24th January 2023𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 4。5/5”In Britain， in 1967–right up until the Children’s Act of 1975， actually–it was illegal for an adopted child to trace their parents。 And’–I make sure he is looking at me， that he understands the importance of this–‘it was impossible for a parent to trace their child。’ ‘But—’ I stop him。 I learnt long ago that there are no buts。 ‘When we had our chil — 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 —𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: When I First Held You𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: N/A𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫（𝐬）: Anstey Harris𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Historical Fiction𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: 24th January 2023𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 4。5/5”In Britain， in 1967–right up until the Children’s Act of 1975， actually–it was illegal for an adopted child to trace their parents。 And’–I make sure he is looking at me， that he understands the importance of this–‘it was impossible for a parent to trace their child。’ ‘But—’ I stop him。 I learnt long ago that there are no buts。 ‘When we had our children taken away from us， it meant we knew that we would never ever see them again。 Never。’”One reason why I love Anstey Harris’ writing is that she doesn’t play it safe。 She tackles difficult subjects head on and writes the truth of them in a manner so tender and raw that I can’t help but weep in admiration。At one point in the story， one of the characters says ”what exquisite pain” and this sentiment suits this story perfectly。 It’s a story that involves the female main character joining a movement for anti-nuclear freedom fighting， and how that led to her experience in a Mother and Baby Home， where both freedom and fighting were an impossibility。 The story reminds me of Waiting For The Miracle by Ann McPartlin， another book I sobbed my heart out to。Reading the authors note of her lived experience has left me in teary awe。 I really thought I would either die of dehydration from my tears or perhaps drowning。 I couldn’t stop crying throughout， I can’t stop crying throughout this review。 I will be accepting life jackets from here on out。Sometimes， it’s not even about how the book was written， the story being told， the characters， it’s how a book made you feel， and this book broke my heart。🧚🏻‍♀️♡ my bookstagram • my twitter ♡↑ follow my socials for more bookish content。 ↑ 。。。more

Brittany （Britt's Book Blurbs） ，

Thanks to NetGalley & Lake Union Publishing for an eARC of this book。 The following review is my honest reflection on the text provided。4。5 starsAbove all else， the word that When I First Held You most brings to mind is honesty。 The stories these characters have to tell resonate with heartbreaking truth that is impossible to deny。 Judith is a little stuck in her ways， grieving her partner and her past trauma。 Being forced， mostly against her will， to confront a lot of her history is abrasive and Thanks to NetGalley & Lake Union Publishing for an eARC of this book。 The following review is my honest reflection on the text provided。4。5 starsAbove all else， the word that When I First Held You most brings to mind is honesty。 The stories these characters have to tell resonate with heartbreaking truth that is impossible to deny。 Judith is a little stuck in her ways， grieving her partner and her past trauma。 Being forced， mostly against her will， to confront a lot of her history is abrasive and challenging。 It happens quickly， with no warning， and she has to try to reconcile her memories and her present life （and possibly her future） with the new information she is given。 James seems on the attack for a lot of When I First Held You。 He’s always pushing forward， trying to take the next step， often forgetting that the past needs to be dealt with first。 It’s hard to marry Judith’s memory of James with his choices and who he is now。 Dougal is obviously the best， though。 Ruby is my favourite character。 She’s flawed and complicated， but she shows real growth throughout， despite a late first appearance。 Her fearlessness to search for answers and to address difficult topics with Judith， James， and Nick， but most importantly， herself - is wonderful and admirable。 There’s so much to love about how this story is told。 Past and present flow together beautifully; despite a lack of labels besides POV titles， I never felt lost as to the time period。 The change between perspectives or years felt natural， and information was given as needed and not withheld for more shock value。 In addition， the ghosts of characters not present were felt and appreciated， rounding out this cast nicely。 The politics， poverty， and abuse are described from multiple perspectives to provide context without overwhelming what is， at its core， a beautiful and emotional story that I could not recommend more highly。 Review originally posted here on Britt's Book Blurbs。 Amazon | Blog | Bookstagram | Reddit | Wishlist 。。。more

Susie ，

This was an emotional read， well written and well put together。 Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review。

Laura Jones ，

Judith and Jimmy fall in love in 1960s Glasgow。 They are both political activists and during a raid by the police many of the activists are sent prison， including Jimmy。 Upon discovering she is pregnant， Judith is forced to give up their baby， as she is an unmarried mother。 Many years later， Jimmy reappears in Judith's life and with a must face what happened and try to bring their family together。Definitely worth a read。I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book。 All thoughts Judith and Jimmy fall in love in 1960s Glasgow。 They are both political activists and during a raid by the police many of the activists are sent prison， including Jimmy。 Upon discovering she is pregnant， Judith is forced to give up their baby， as she is an unmarried mother。 Many years later， Jimmy reappears in Judith's life and with a must face what happened and try to bring their family together。Definitely worth a read。I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book。 All thoughts and opinions are my own。 。。。more

Georgina Reads_Eats_Explores ，

In 1960s Glasgow， anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love。 But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat gets raided， and many， including Jimmy， are sent to prison。 Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy， Judith feels she has no option but to enter an unmarried mothers’ home， give up their baby and learn to live with her grief。More than half a century later， Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures， just as Judith has been bound back together by her late， much- In 1960s Glasgow， anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love。 But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat gets raided， and many， including Jimmy， are sent to prison。 Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy， Judith feels she has no option but to enter an unmarried mothers’ home， give up their baby and learn to live with her grief。More than half a century later， Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures， just as Judith has been bound back together by her late， much-missed partner， Catherine。 But her tranquillity is shattered when Jimmy―so different and yet somehow the same―reappears， yearning to unpick the painful past。Written in dual narratives and timelines， this book tries to put you in the various characters' shoes at various points along their histories。 The problem is I just couldn’t bring myself to actually care about any of them！ Probably because I’m not long after reading the exceptional Bessborough， which covers the mother and baby homes much more emotively。 That’s not to say it’s badly written， it isn’t， but the pace was far too slow for my liking。 The use of the anti-nuclear protests was an interesting backstory for the characters。 I also loved the kintsugi references - firstly， most evident on the rather attractive book cover and then as Judith employs the process in her mending shop - both physically in the items she restores and figuratively in how she approaches her past。 。。。more

Chelsea Knowles ，

30/10/22 - I read an arc of this on 26 May 2022。 When I First Held You follows Judith and Jimmy after they have been apart for more than a century。 In 1960s Glasgow Judith and Jimmy are anti-nuclear activists who end up falling in love。 However Jimmy is sent to prison and Judith ends up pregnant at a unmarried mothers’ home。 Judith is forced to give up her baby and deal with her grief。 When Judith and Jimmy meet again they have to face what happened and to to bring their family together。 This is 30/10/22 - I read an arc of this on 26 May 2022。 When I First Held You follows Judith and Jimmy after they have been apart for more than a century。 In 1960s Glasgow Judith and Jimmy are anti-nuclear activists who end up falling in love。 However Jimmy is sent to prison and Judith ends up pregnant at a unmarried mothers’ home。 Judith is forced to give up her baby and deal with her grief。 When Judith and Jimmy meet again they have to face what happened and to to bring their family together。 This is a well written novel but I had a hard time connecting with it。 I loved Harris’ previous novel The Truths and Triumphs of Grace Atherton。 But I think because When I First Held You has older main characters I found it hard to connect to them as I couldn’t relate to them。 To be completely honest I just don’t feel anything towards the characters or story。 。。。more

Michelle ，

I've been spending the last few days trying to figure out how to write this review。 Every。review of this book that I've seen raves on it， which made me wonder if I'd read something different。 When I First Held You is well written。 While it kept my attention， to an extent， I also felt a bit bored with the book。 I found that I wasn't looking forward to picking it back up in between times 0f reading。 It felt like there was something lacking with the characters， I didn't feel a closeness with them l I've been spending the last few days trying to figure out how to write this review。 Every。review of this book that I've seen raves on it， which made me wonder if I'd read something different。 When I First Held You is well written。 While it kept my attention， to an extent， I also felt a bit bored with the book。 I found that I wasn't looking forward to picking it back up in between times 0f reading。 It felt like there was something lacking with the characters， I didn't feel a closeness with them like I do with most books。 。。。more

Caitriona ，

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review。 This took me a while to get through since the topic is close to home as I am an adoptee myself and have 5 adopted siblings。 It’s beautifully written， with well placed emotional touchstones as the story unfolds and secrets come to light。 The portions about mothers and daughters and loss particularly got to me。 The dichotomy of small kindnesses from strangers and cruelties from those closest to you were poignant。 The characters I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review。 This took me a while to get through since the topic is close to home as I am an adoptee myself and have 5 adopted siblings。 It’s beautifully written， with well placed emotional touchstones as the story unfolds and secrets come to light。 The portions about mothers and daughters and loss particularly got to me。 The dichotomy of small kindnesses from strangers and cruelties from those closest to you were poignant。 The characters are likable and I was content with the ending。 The only criticism I had is that it felt like something was missing， some connections in small places。 The story all worked out， but I’m not sure the combo of plot points and the characters was fully believable。 I was a little disappointed the mending shop was forgotten pretty quickly and didn’t feature anywhere prominently later in the story。 。。。more

Baltina ，

A page turner keeping you engaged to see what happens next。。so many twist in the narrative keeps the story moving through the present and back to the 1960s。 An incredible story about misjustice in the 1960s， where single mothers could be forced to give up their newborns for adoption and never given the choice to reconnect。 The characters felt real and created a beautiful narrative， recommend 5 stars。

Maureen ，

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC。I thoroughly enjoyed this book！ This is such a poignant and heartbreaking read。 It's about love， betrayal and forgiveness。 The characters are very likeable！ And did I mention it's a dual timeline POV and I love this kind of books。 This is beautifully written。 I genuinely wish a happy ending for the characters。 Thank you NetGalley for this ARC。I thoroughly enjoyed this book！ This is such a poignant and heartbreaking read。 It's about love， betrayal and forgiveness。 The characters are very likeable！ And did I mention it's a dual timeline POV and I love this kind of books。 This is beautifully written。 I genuinely wish a happy ending for the characters。 。。。more

Nix ，

Poignant story about misjustice in the 1960s， where single mothers could be forced to give up their newborns for adoption。 Anstey Harries has managed to create an amazingly engaging and gripping story with very believable lead characters; it was refreshing reading a story with older leads。 Thoroughly recommended。

Jewels ，

As usual in my reviews， I will not rehash the plot。。。This is a beautiful， haunting book， and an emotional read on several levels; it made me cry in places， and reawakened my anger at how young unmarried mothers were treated by society and （as in this case） sometimes by their own families at that time （though I appreciate it's easy to try to fit current ways of life and thinking onto the past - but things would have been hugely different back then）。There is a lot of buried pain that people have s As usual in my reviews， I will not rehash the plot。。。This is a beautiful， haunting book， and an emotional read on several levels; it made me cry in places， and reawakened my anger at how young unmarried mothers were treated by society and （as in this case） sometimes by their own families at that time （though I appreciate it's easy to try to fit current ways of life and thinking onto the past - but things would have been hugely different back then）。There is a lot of buried pain that people have striven to overcome， lots of secrets and lies， misunderstandings， and sorrow at lost time and missed chances。 Ultimately though there is optimism - a sense of （like Judith's shop） mending things - the rebuilding of lives， the seizing of chances， moving secrets into the light to allow understanding and healing of wounds。 The main characters of Judith and Jimmy （or James now） are both interesting - they had both lived for over 50 years only knowing their own half of the story， making assumptions about the other。 Catherine sounds like a lovely person。 I loved Ruby （and her Dad）， and wish the little family the very best for the future （yes， I know they are fictional but hey！）I love the book's cover （assuming it's the one that will go to print） - a gorgeous image of Kintsugi （the Japanese art of using gold to fix cracks in broken ceramics）- and feel that it sums up the book beautifully。Anstey Harris's books are not always an easy read， but they are worth it。 I look forward to reading more by this talented author。 My thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC。 All opinions my own。 。。。more

Jaci ，

When I First Held You is a fantastic read。 I was pulled in from the start and could not wait to read more。 I loved this book。 When I First Held You by Ansley Harris is a duel timeline story with Judith as the main character。 The story begins in current time as Judith is interviewed for a television show。 But the twist quickly happens as James walks in the store。 However James and Judith first knew each in 1960’s Glasgow， 50 years earlier。 Falling in love while protesting the nuclear arming was a When I First Held You is a fantastic read。 I was pulled in from the start and could not wait to read more。 I loved this book。 When I First Held You by Ansley Harris is a duel timeline story with Judith as the main character。 The story begins in current time as Judith is interviewed for a television show。 But the twist quickly happens as James walks in the store。 However James and Judith first knew each in 1960’s Glasgow， 50 years earlier。 Falling in love while protesting the nuclear arming was a young couple， Jimmy and Jude。 But the decades then have created new people， new personalities， and new hardships。 As the story progresses the reader discovers the secret， a child born and taken from Judith。 The discovery of a granddaughter， connects James and Judith again。 Caught up in the current discovery of a granddaughter， we relive with Judith the events that led to the separation of not only her and James， but that of their child。 This duel timeline is done very well。 I laughed， I cried。 This book tugs at the emotional heartstrings。 Thank you to NetGalley， the author and publisher for giving me the opportunity to read When I First Held You。 All opinions are my own。 。。。more

Rachel Harrison ，

This book was such an easy read， as I immediately felt connected to the main characters within the book。 I found myself wishing for happiness and peace for Judith。 I love that this book was based on history， and found it was interesting to learn about history and make me think more about the hardships that people have had to go through。 I would recommend this book to my friends， as I'm sure it will warm somebody elses heart， like it did mine！ This book was such an easy read， as I immediately felt connected to the main characters within the book。 I found myself wishing for happiness and peace for Judith。 I love that this book was based on history， and found it was interesting to learn about history and make me think more about the hardships that people have had to go through。 I would recommend this book to my friends， as I'm sure it will warm somebody elses heart， like it did mine！ 。。。more

Catherine Clapton ，

When I first held you by Anstey Harris。Thank you to Netgalley and Lake Union publishing for allowing me to read this book pre release。What a glorious book of such stories of loss that make you stop and give thanks for your ordinary life。 I loved the way Anstey showed the attitudinal changes in each generation。 It was a very political story without being so， a very cunning writer。 So many political hot potatoes: nuclear weapons， unplanned pregnancies， forched adopions， the power of society over t When I first held you by Anstey Harris。Thank you to Netgalley and Lake Union publishing for allowing me to read this book pre release。What a glorious book of such stories of loss that make you stop and give thanks for your ordinary life。 I loved the way Anstey showed the attitudinal changes in each generation。 It was a very political story without being so， a very cunning writer。 So many political hot potatoes: nuclear weapons， unplanned pregnancies， forched adopions， the power of society over the poor， strict unwaving laws， woman's rights， lgbt and being fluid， questioning what is normal？ recycling and repairing， emotional welfare: exercise and talking。 The very talented author Anstey Harris does this whilst telling a lovely story。 A highly recommended read。 。。。more

Carolyn ，

When I First Held You by Ansley Harris is a novel of adoption and how it affected everyone involved in the process in the 1960s。 It was not looked on as it is now and this novel shows the heartbreak and also the healing that can take place。 Thank you to the author， Amazon Publishing UK， and Netgalley。com for an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review。

Kristen Claiborn ，

tI don’t get on NetGalley much， largely because I can’t really access the books I WANT to read。 It’s not that easy to get approved by a publisher， and I haven’t really tried that hard。 So I get on there every now and then and grab a “read now” book， which doesn’t require publisher approval。 When I do finally get on NetGalley to grab a book， I am not very picky， and I usually end up picking based entirely on the title。 That’s how I picked this one…based on the title alone。 tThis isn’t the first b tI don’t get on NetGalley much， largely because I can’t really access the books I WANT to read。 It’s not that easy to get approved by a publisher， and I haven’t really tried that hard。 So I get on there every now and then and grab a “read now” book， which doesn’t require publisher approval。 When I do finally get on NetGalley to grab a book， I am not very picky， and I usually end up picking based entirely on the title。 That’s how I picked this one…based on the title alone。 tThis isn’t the first book I’ve read recently that circles unwed mothers’ homes in Scotland。 I am curious as to what prompted a few authors to seek out that particular story line。 Antsey Harris is the child of a mother who ended up a victim of one of those homes， which makes this story even more poignant。 This book is about Judith and Jimmy， and the child given up for adoption because Jude was an unwed woman。 Judith desperately wanted to keep her baby， but during that time in Scotland， that was not an option for her， so her baby was wrenched away from her arms。 Jimmy and Judith were reunited some sixty years later， allowing Judith to tell the story of the baby she was forced to relinquish。 Along the way， they were able to connect with their daughter’s daughter， Ruby。 Ruby tells her grandparents about her mother， and her grandparents tell Ruby their own stories。 tJudith and Jimmy’s story is heartbreaking。 No woman should be forced to give up a baby they love and want to keep。 It’s almost unbelievable that women had to endure that kind of pain， brought to them by their own government。 Both Judith and Jimmy were also brutally betrayed by loved ones， which makes the entire situation devastating。 The pain Judith felt was written beautifully by Harris， I felt like I was sitting in her cottage with her， listening to her stories with a cup of tea。 I typically dislike books that are written with a back-and-forth timeline， but because the “back” part of this one was primarily when Judith and Jimmy were recounting their experiences， it worked very well。 These characters are easy to like and enjoyable to read about， I genuinely wanted them all to find a happy-ever-after。 This is a beautifully written book。 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=When I First Held You

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=When I First Held You&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,When I First Held You&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0